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Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Transitions - How to move from closed doors to open windows
Bella Enahoro
'For every door that closes, a window opens' – I've been hearing that phrase since I was a child. But recently I had a friend say to me 'yes that's fine but it's the hallways in between that's the kicker' and how true I've found that to be. How do we endure the passage from one place to another in our lives? If you look up transitions in the dictionary, it will likely say something along the lines of 'the process or period of changing from one state or condition to another', some will even add the word 'smoothly'. Well, if you're anything like me, transitions can be sudden, startling, scary, boring, unsettling even if we planned it but there's an art to making it smooth.
We can be in the middle of a transition without realising that's what's going on or how deeply it may run. Sometimes we are resisting the transition, desperately trying to hold on to the familiar even if the familiar is having adverse effects on us; even though it's not working anymore; even though it has never really worked.
In today's world, transitions will be the norm – and swift ones. We are told most of us will work in at least five different fields of endeavour in our life time and will have several jobs in each. Anyone who spends time on the internet, knows you barely have time to get online and they've changed everything even before you're offline. Those of us 'Facebookers' know what I mean. Forget planting seeds for life, the skill for today is surfing. We not only surf the net but we need to surf life.
Perhaps you're making a major change - a divorce, a re-location or finally taking responsibility for some aspect of your life or indeed, yourself. Transitions come in all shapes and sizes, some pleasurable, some not so lovely - Births, deaths, marriages, job losses, break-ups and outgrowing certain situations and people. Sometimes transitions occur because those we're involved with make decisions and we're left to go along or react. When we learn more, we can move to responding. Resisting transitions causes pain and often heightens fear.
Often we can't 'think' our way though it, we have to sense our way though it. If we try and control how things change, we can end up 'white-knuckling' our way through situations. Even those transitions which we consciously choose, we can somehow bring old patterns of thinking, behaviour and habits to the situation which runs counter to the change trying to emerge in our lives
We use all manner of devices to deal with resisting change. Denial, alcohol, over-eating, over-working, anger, picking fights, cowering – and ultimately they simply contribute to the fear and pain we're in. The very fact that transitions exist, seem to surprise us and that they should be happening to us, is remarkable. Interesting that change is the one constant in life and yet we thrash against it.
What about when we try to force change? When we try to make something happen at the certain time, in a certain way. Then we can find others resisting us, we may find ourselves losing the very opportunities, relationships and situations we're trying to bring into being. Sometimes we force a change but nothing really moves on.
Not all changes are transitions. Sometimes we change jobs, partners, homes but nothing has moved on. For instance a friend of mine worked as an administrator for years, changing companies in search of greater job satisfaction but not until recently did he realise that administration itself held no satisfaction for him. Lots of company changes, lots of situational changes but until he moved into – wait for it – landscape gardening, his story didn't move on.
Some changes are seasonal. So we expect them. Maybe even look forward to them. Those changes, we welcome. For instance, moving into Autumn. Here in London, although the leaves haven't begun to 'turn', there's already a 'nip' in the air. And I'm looking forward to moving into Autumn and all that goes with it.
Pretty soon, we get to a place in life where we look forward to transitions. Imagine living a life that stayed 'stuck' for the duration of your time on earth or stayed in 'dead end' work all our lives. Not so much fun. Once we get over the fear that transitions will somehow leave us 'worse off' than before it happened, guess what? We're learning to surf.
How can we move ourselves out into a new experience of change? One that is not characterised by fear, resistance and white-knuckling? I have found vision to be a great help. Courting and developing a vision for our lives and all that comes within it.
If we have a vision for our lives that is led by our hearts, we can use that vision as our anchor and changes do not disturb us quite so much. We allow the destabilisation of change in the trust that we are still guided by our vision for ourselves, relationships, family and work. Allow yourself to be guided by the vision you have for yourself and life.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Sept 2011
For more articles go to more.
We can be in the middle of a transition without realising that's what's going on or how deeply it may run. Sometimes we are resisting the transition, desperately trying to hold on to the familiar even if the familiar is having adverse effects on us; even though it's not working anymore; even though it has never really worked.
In today's world, transitions will be the norm – and swift ones. We are told most of us will work in at least five different fields of endeavour in our life time and will have several jobs in each. Anyone who spends time on the internet, knows you barely have time to get online and they've changed everything even before you're offline. Those of us 'Facebookers' know what I mean. Forget planting seeds for life, the skill for today is surfing. We not only surf the net but we need to surf life.
Perhaps you're making a major change - a divorce, a re-location or finally taking responsibility for some aspect of your life or indeed, yourself. Transitions come in all shapes and sizes, some pleasurable, some not so lovely - Births, deaths, marriages, job losses, break-ups and outgrowing certain situations and people. Sometimes transitions occur because those we're involved with make decisions and we're left to go along or react. When we learn more, we can move to responding. Resisting transitions causes pain and often heightens fear.
Often we can't 'think' our way though it, we have to sense our way though it. If we try and control how things change, we can end up 'white-knuckling' our way through situations. Even those transitions which we consciously choose, we can somehow bring old patterns of thinking, behaviour and habits to the situation which runs counter to the change trying to emerge in our lives
We use all manner of devices to deal with resisting change. Denial, alcohol, over-eating, over-working, anger, picking fights, cowering – and ultimately they simply contribute to the fear and pain we're in. The very fact that transitions exist, seem to surprise us and that they should be happening to us, is remarkable. Interesting that change is the one constant in life and yet we thrash against it.
What about when we try to force change? When we try to make something happen at the certain time, in a certain way. Then we can find others resisting us, we may find ourselves losing the very opportunities, relationships and situations we're trying to bring into being. Sometimes we force a change but nothing really moves on.
Not all changes are transitions. Sometimes we change jobs, partners, homes but nothing has moved on. For instance a friend of mine worked as an administrator for years, changing companies in search of greater job satisfaction but not until recently did he realise that administration itself held no satisfaction for him. Lots of company changes, lots of situational changes but until he moved into – wait for it – landscape gardening, his story didn't move on.
Some changes are seasonal. So we expect them. Maybe even look forward to them. Those changes, we welcome. For instance, moving into Autumn. Here in London, although the leaves haven't begun to 'turn', there's already a 'nip' in the air. And I'm looking forward to moving into Autumn and all that goes with it.
Pretty soon, we get to a place in life where we look forward to transitions. Imagine living a life that stayed 'stuck' for the duration of your time on earth or stayed in 'dead end' work all our lives. Not so much fun. Once we get over the fear that transitions will somehow leave us 'worse off' than before it happened, guess what? We're learning to surf.
How can we move ourselves out into a new experience of change? One that is not characterised by fear, resistance and white-knuckling? I have found vision to be a great help. Courting and developing a vision for our lives and all that comes within it.
If we have a vision for our lives that is led by our hearts, we can use that vision as our anchor and changes do not disturb us quite so much. We allow the destabilisation of change in the trust that we are still guided by our vision for ourselves, relationships, family and work. Allow yourself to be guided by the vision you have for yourself and life.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Sept 2011
For more articles go to more.
