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Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
I think that what we are seeking
is an experience of being alive…so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
- Joseph Campbell
is an experience of being alive…so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.
- Joseph Campbell
Reactivity, Insanity and Right-mindedness
Bella Enahoro
There's a saying, if you want to see how much inner growth you've made, put yourself back in your environment/family of origin. During the last month, I've had occasion to find myself at various types of social gatherings, the most marked of which have been family of origin oriented. I've been catching up with those I've not seen in over twenty years. We all 'ooo-ed and aaah-ed' at the changes come upon us, some of them good, some of them, well different than good. Some however strangely familiy-ar.
An incident occurred between a family and member and myself which left me reacting in an emotionally 'charged' way, as much surprising me as the recipient on the other end, who caught off-guard went off into their own chain of reactivity. Moments later, I 'came to myself' thinking what on earth was all that about? I use the phrase 'came to myself' very deliberately. It was as though I had 'gone off' somewhere.
And the truth was, I had. I had gone off into the past. I wasn't fully present to what was going on and if the look on the other party's face was anything to go by, neither were they. Both of us had moved beyond the dimension of the sane. We were both out of our right minds, reacting in tandem. We had both 'gone off' into our 'incident'.
Now a few weeks further down the road and much journaling later, I'm able to gain some illumination as to what was going on. Fundamentally, the incident activated an old 'sore' belief and all the injurious energy held by that belief came hurtling out. It got me thinking, just how much time we all spend in reactivity. And reactivity is anywhere but our right minds.
We leave home, move on with our lives and learn to avoid, bury, or ignore 'sore spots' until someone or something stumbles across it or deliberately pokes their 'emotional finger' into it and then 'boom' – depth charge. But families are not the only places with hidden depth charges – think also about offices and relationships, not to mention strange reactive interactions with total strangers say in the supermarket line when someone cuts in front of you.
I've got to a place where anything with a lot of emotional 'charge' to it gets my immediate attention. And over time, I've learnt what doesn't work – perpetual complaining about the incident/person, misdirected aggression, implacable crankiness, long-standing orneriness and the list goes on. But reactivity works the other way round too. We see something we label good, that will give us a 'buzz' and off we go – pavlovian to the hilt. It can be food, money, the opposite sex, same sex, or just plain sex – whatever high-jacks you out of your present time.
Our unexamined beliefs are the key. The belief is what causes the pain, not the individual in question. That's an important distinction to make. Why? Because now I see the individual didn't 'do me wrong', didn't cause me injury, all they did was bring my attention to a painful belief I was harbouring. So I don't see them as the 'baddie' here. If anything they helped me see that the emotional investment held in beliefs inherited from our families, culture, spiritual traditions are just that – pure emotional investment and not truth.
So what happens when we come back to present time? Forgive ourselves. Don't hold it against ourselves. Figure out the root of the injury and then – forgive ourselves, don't beat ourselves up about it. Just shining a light on the injurious belief can show it up to be erroneous – forgive ourselves, don't belittle ourselves for it. All in all, I thank the whole 'drama' for helping me see more and free myself.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro 2011
For more articles go to more.
An incident occurred between a family and member and myself which left me reacting in an emotionally 'charged' way, as much surprising me as the recipient on the other end, who caught off-guard went off into their own chain of reactivity. Moments later, I 'came to myself' thinking what on earth was all that about? I use the phrase 'came to myself' very deliberately. It was as though I had 'gone off' somewhere.
And the truth was, I had. I had gone off into the past. I wasn't fully present to what was going on and if the look on the other party's face was anything to go by, neither were they. Both of us had moved beyond the dimension of the sane. We were both out of our right minds, reacting in tandem. We had both 'gone off' into our 'incident'.
Now a few weeks further down the road and much journaling later, I'm able to gain some illumination as to what was going on. Fundamentally, the incident activated an old 'sore' belief and all the injurious energy held by that belief came hurtling out. It got me thinking, just how much time we all spend in reactivity. And reactivity is anywhere but our right minds.
We leave home, move on with our lives and learn to avoid, bury, or ignore 'sore spots' until someone or something stumbles across it or deliberately pokes their 'emotional finger' into it and then 'boom' – depth charge. But families are not the only places with hidden depth charges – think also about offices and relationships, not to mention strange reactive interactions with total strangers say in the supermarket line when someone cuts in front of you.
I've got to a place where anything with a lot of emotional 'charge' to it gets my immediate attention. And over time, I've learnt what doesn't work – perpetual complaining about the incident/person, misdirected aggression, implacable crankiness, long-standing orneriness and the list goes on. But reactivity works the other way round too. We see something we label good, that will give us a 'buzz' and off we go – pavlovian to the hilt. It can be food, money, the opposite sex, same sex, or just plain sex – whatever high-jacks you out of your present time.
Our unexamined beliefs are the key. The belief is what causes the pain, not the individual in question. That's an important distinction to make. Why? Because now I see the individual didn't 'do me wrong', didn't cause me injury, all they did was bring my attention to a painful belief I was harbouring. So I don't see them as the 'baddie' here. If anything they helped me see that the emotional investment held in beliefs inherited from our families, culture, spiritual traditions are just that – pure emotional investment and not truth.
So what happens when we come back to present time? Forgive ourselves. Don't hold it against ourselves. Figure out the root of the injury and then – forgive ourselves, don't beat ourselves up about it. Just shining a light on the injurious belief can show it up to be erroneous – forgive ourselves, don't belittle ourselves for it. All in all, I thank the whole 'drama' for helping me see more and free myself.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro 2011
For more articles go to more.
