EMPOWERING EASE, JOY & EFFECTIVENESS
Executive Programmes, Personal and Professional development
Executive Programmes, Personal and Professional development
"All the love in the world will not bring us happiness or make a relationship work. it requires skill and skill is attainable." - David Richo
How to be an Adult in Relationships - David Richo
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How to be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo
Bella Enahoro
Product Description
I was looking for a way to enjoy my relationships. I instinctively knew that I would have to grow into the kind of woman who could be in the sort of relationship I really wanted to be in. Since the relationships I had grown up in and around were nothing like the relationship I wanted to enjoy as an adult woman, I knew I would have to look elsewhere than my experience, for the skills I would need to develop. This book caught my eye. If like me, you're done with unpleasant, traumatic or controlling experiences in relationships, then this is the book for you.
Many of us have shelves of relationship books but are not ready to actually put what we learn into practice. If you're still at the stage of only reading the books, this is not the book for you – you already have enough of them on your shelf. But if you're sick and tired of only reading about great relationships and you're now ready to experience one, this is a great book. Why? It's practical.
In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—beginning with the view that relationships are not about how two people survive each other but how to become more loving people.
Richo wants to help us live the answer to these questions:
· What will it take for me to find the happiness I've always wanted?
· Will I feel loved the way I always wanted to be loved?
· What will it take for me to let go of the past?
· Will I learn to protect my own boundaries, insist that others honour them and honour those of others?
· Will I ever let go of the need to control? If so, with what do I replace it?
· Will I ever dare to love with all my heart?
Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:
1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3. Appreciationof all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.
What's interesting is that I actually used the principles in this book in all my relationships, not just my romantic one. And what I noticed is that my whole relationship world has markedly improved. Are there still difficult moments? Yes. Difficult people? Yes – but I no longer try to make them into easy people. I've learned to tell the differences in the need for attention - the difference between the need to be listened to and need for an audience. I know leave the latter alone, unless in the theatre.
If you're looking for easy answers, this is not the book for you. This is 265 pages of indepth work, so it's not a skim read. It requires that you work it. So the question is 'what is your relationship life worth to you'? Are you willing to change your ways? Let's face it, if you have unhappy relationships, you are part of it. This is not to assign blame but help you see what kind of relationship skills you have.
When applied, the five simple concepts noted above —what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and can become a ground for personal transformation.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Feb 2012
I was looking for a way to enjoy my relationships. I instinctively knew that I would have to grow into the kind of woman who could be in the sort of relationship I really wanted to be in. Since the relationships I had grown up in and around were nothing like the relationship I wanted to enjoy as an adult woman, I knew I would have to look elsewhere than my experience, for the skills I would need to develop. This book caught my eye. If like me, you're done with unpleasant, traumatic or controlling experiences in relationships, then this is the book for you.
Many of us have shelves of relationship books but are not ready to actually put what we learn into practice. If you're still at the stage of only reading the books, this is not the book for you – you already have enough of them on your shelf. But if you're sick and tired of only reading about great relationships and you're now ready to experience one, this is a great book. Why? It's practical.
In this book, Richo offers a fresh perspective on love and relationships—beginning with the view that relationships are not about how two people survive each other but how to become more loving people.
Richo wants to help us live the answer to these questions:
· What will it take for me to find the happiness I've always wanted?
· Will I feel loved the way I always wanted to be loved?
· What will it take for me to let go of the past?
· Will I learn to protect my own boundaries, insist that others honour them and honour those of others?
· Will I ever let go of the need to control? If so, with what do I replace it?
· Will I ever dare to love with all my heart?
Drawing on the Buddhist concept of mindfulness, How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships throughout life:
1. Attention to the present moment; observing, listening, and noticing all the feelings at play in our relationships.
2. Acceptance of ourselves and others just as we are.
3. Appreciationof all our gifts, our limits, our longings, and our poignant human predicament.
4. Affection shown through holding and touching in respectful ways.
5. Allowing life and love to be just as they are, with all their ecstasy and ache, without trying to take control.
What's interesting is that I actually used the principles in this book in all my relationships, not just my romantic one. And what I noticed is that my whole relationship world has markedly improved. Are there still difficult moments? Yes. Difficult people? Yes – but I no longer try to make them into easy people. I've learned to tell the differences in the need for attention - the difference between the need to be listened to and need for an audience. I know leave the latter alone, unless in the theatre.
If you're looking for easy answers, this is not the book for you. This is 265 pages of indepth work, so it's not a skim read. It requires that you work it. So the question is 'what is your relationship life worth to you'? Are you willing to change your ways? Let's face it, if you have unhappy relationships, you are part of it. This is not to assign blame but help you see what kind of relationship skills you have.
When applied, the five simple concepts noted above —what Richo calls the five A's—form the basis of mature love. They help us to move away from judgment, fear, and blame to a position of openness, compassion, and realism about life and relationships. By giving and receiving these five A's, relationships become deeper and more meaningful, and can become a ground for personal transformation.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Feb 2012
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