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Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Are you delaying your life or tuning into the sweetness of ‘NOW’?
Bella Enahoro
Do you find yourself saying ‘I will be happy when ‘such and such’ happens? For instance, when I lose the half-stone, when I get the degree, when I get the guy or girl, when I ‘fill in the blank’ then I’ll be happy or then I’ll be good enough to have what will make me happy? Or we say ‘how can I possibly be happy when ‘such and such’ is happening? Or how can I be good enough to be happy when ‘such and such’ happened to me? So we go into ‘wait mode’.
And what do we do in the meantime? Do we find our lives filled with chores, obligations, to-do lists and that’s all that seems to be there? Is life basically an ‘ever grinding’ experience with only brief unsustainable moments of alleviation? How do we get into this kind of living? What’s the underlying tone of this kind of living? Feelings like dissatisfaction, frustration maybe even powerlessness are our constant companions.
One of the most insidious places this kind of thinking starts is that we go for what we believe we can get, rather than what we really want. So there’s this gap between what we’re accepting as available to us in the moment and what we would really like. We get into an unwitting ‘postponement’ mode of living – always waiting for that event to arrive before we can have the life we want to live. Assuming we know what we truly desire.
In the meantime, we get swept along on the tide of what is ‘practical’ what is ‘realistic’. And then somehow, we build an identity around the very things we don’t really desire. It’s just the way life is, we tell ourselves. I’ve got bills to pay, children to put through school, dependent parents, ‘of course I have to live this way’. And now we get into major coping.
Sometimes we cope with this by being angry, resentful people or maybe become a punitive presence. We punish ourselves and those around us, for our misery. Or we try and ‘check out’ of the experience of our lives. Enter drugs, alcohol, emotional drama, mindless television viewing or whatever your favourite ‘check out’ mode might be. We lose touch with the experience of the sweetness of life.
The experience of the sweetness and tenderness of life is available for us all the time. Yes, even for men. It may show up differently for men than for women but nonetheless ‘the sweet life’ is available for whoever desires it.
Sometimes ‘the sweet life’ is known as THE RE-ENCHANTMENT OF EVERYDAY LIFE as written by Thomas Moore in many of his books. Or what Marianne Williamson writes about in A RETURN TO LOVE. Tuning back in to the sweetness of our own lives is inextricably linked to an authentic life. This is a life that is yours uniquely, exclusively, reflecting who you truly are - indelibly crafted around your joys, your pleasures, your loves and your own deepest contributions. There’s no substitute for tuning yourself into that way of life. If we are disconnected from it and want it back, we can find it in small ways at first.
Perhaps making eye contact with a joyful toddler or noticing that the tree outside your home or in the park is dense with foliage, triggering a feeling of life’s sheer profuse abundance.
I’m not talking about getting something you don’t have but tuning into something you already have. It’s in our very nature. We are already coded for the sweet life, the sheer goodness of life. It pre-exists us as much as gravity pre-exists us.
The sweetness of our individual lives isn’t performance-based; it’s realisation-based. We realise and choose, moment by moment. However, let me warn you now, If you begin to tune yourself into the sweetness of what is in your life now, you are in grave danger of happiness. You are in grave danger of fulfilment. You are in grave danger of contentment.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Aug 2013
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And what do we do in the meantime? Do we find our lives filled with chores, obligations, to-do lists and that’s all that seems to be there? Is life basically an ‘ever grinding’ experience with only brief unsustainable moments of alleviation? How do we get into this kind of living? What’s the underlying tone of this kind of living? Feelings like dissatisfaction, frustration maybe even powerlessness are our constant companions.
One of the most insidious places this kind of thinking starts is that we go for what we believe we can get, rather than what we really want. So there’s this gap between what we’re accepting as available to us in the moment and what we would really like. We get into an unwitting ‘postponement’ mode of living – always waiting for that event to arrive before we can have the life we want to live. Assuming we know what we truly desire.
In the meantime, we get swept along on the tide of what is ‘practical’ what is ‘realistic’. And then somehow, we build an identity around the very things we don’t really desire. It’s just the way life is, we tell ourselves. I’ve got bills to pay, children to put through school, dependent parents, ‘of course I have to live this way’. And now we get into major coping.
Sometimes we cope with this by being angry, resentful people or maybe become a punitive presence. We punish ourselves and those around us, for our misery. Or we try and ‘check out’ of the experience of our lives. Enter drugs, alcohol, emotional drama, mindless television viewing or whatever your favourite ‘check out’ mode might be. We lose touch with the experience of the sweetness of life.
The experience of the sweetness and tenderness of life is available for us all the time. Yes, even for men. It may show up differently for men than for women but nonetheless ‘the sweet life’ is available for whoever desires it.
Sometimes ‘the sweet life’ is known as THE RE-ENCHANTMENT OF EVERYDAY LIFE as written by Thomas Moore in many of his books. Or what Marianne Williamson writes about in A RETURN TO LOVE. Tuning back in to the sweetness of our own lives is inextricably linked to an authentic life. This is a life that is yours uniquely, exclusively, reflecting who you truly are - indelibly crafted around your joys, your pleasures, your loves and your own deepest contributions. There’s no substitute for tuning yourself into that way of life. If we are disconnected from it and want it back, we can find it in small ways at first.
Perhaps making eye contact with a joyful toddler or noticing that the tree outside your home or in the park is dense with foliage, triggering a feeling of life’s sheer profuse abundance.
I’m not talking about getting something you don’t have but tuning into something you already have. It’s in our very nature. We are already coded for the sweet life, the sheer goodness of life. It pre-exists us as much as gravity pre-exists us.
The sweetness of our individual lives isn’t performance-based; it’s realisation-based. We realise and choose, moment by moment. However, let me warn you now, If you begin to tune yourself into the sweetness of what is in your life now, you are in grave danger of happiness. You are in grave danger of fulfilment. You are in grave danger of contentment.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Aug 2013
If you like this article please 'LIKE' and Bookmark us and share with others
For more articles go to more.
