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Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Contentment: Are you micromanaging yours away?
Bella Enahoro
As I exit the station where I live, there's a pretty short cut that leads 1nto the path home. Now in the Summer months, it's leafy, pretty and the back gardens of adjacent homes hang heavy with foliage and flowers in full bloom.
Even during the preceding Winter months when I would make the journey home, this little 'cutting' would always lift my spirits because I would look at the bare-leafed trees knowing that they would soon be full of bloom. I knew that in due course I would enjoy their fruits. I could trust in the due process of nature. At no point was I disgruntled by their bare branches or think it was any of my business to make things happen. I was content to let nature run its course. In so many ways we know that there are processes making things happen that we don't have to get involved in.
But have you noticed in life, we don't always rest in contentment as due processes kick into action? If you're anything like me, I set something in motion and then proceed to manage its process into my desired outcome. This is sometimes a good thing. For instance I order from a shop and I can track the progress of the item. That's fine. We like to track progress.
But trouble would ensue if I then proceeded to run the shop's delivery system. But we do that in our lives don't we? Why is it that we overlook the due processes of delivery in our lives?
We try to manage the delivery processes of our lives by managing others emotions, others' perceptions or actions and choices. And everything we do then comes from a place of anxiety and discontent. And why do we get involved in the delivery process? Because otherwise things won't happen right – or so we tell ourselves.
When did we learn to give our contentment away? Where did we learn that discontent and unhappiness is the way to goad ourselves forward?
Most of us have been told to 'work hard' in life so we train, we 'credentialise', we equip ourselves for the lives we desire. Many of us have been told 'it's not what you've got, but who you know' so we set about networking and increasing our realm of contacts. We're told we have to 'present' ourselves, so we set about 'dressing for success'. Our work is never ending. We manage every piece of 'making things happen' for ourselves. We learn to be discontent with who we are and how we are and crack the whip even harder.
And yet we're still not getting what we desire. Or it's coming to us in such scant amounts that the effort isn’t worth the result. Or we become control freaks driving others away from us. When do we get to experience contentment? For that matter, why would be want to be content when we still haven't got what we want? Do we have a right to be content when there's still so much to do, so much to achieve, so much to become? We find ourselves driven by our discontents, frazzling everything and everyone around us.
Finally, we may notice that the more discontent we are, the more discontent we become regardless of how much stuff we acquire, or how far we rise in life, or how many people we get to be boss of.
Does that mean we ought to just let things be? Drop out of living? I certainly know of those who end up just 'dropping out' of the game of life. Or become 'burned out'. Or just resign themselves to a life of low-grade misery accompanied by a continuous stream of unhappiness.
And if we are one of those not willing to be forever accompanied by misery, then the micromanaging of life continues unabated. No doubt there is a certain amount of feeling powerful and safe in micromanaging situations but it’s a false power in that it only gives the illusion we are in charge.
We're not in charge at all. And perpetual interference in the process only serves to slow things down and create anxiety to boot.
Many of us think of contentment as a state we reach after having achieved success, or we think of it as a frivolous emotion or sitting in the lotus position 'ooohm-ing' our lives away. Contentment can often be presented to us as complacency. If we are content then we'll just sit around all day doing nothing or what we do won't amount to much.
But what if contentment were to be our modus operandi in our lives and the way we go about interacting with people?No question that contentment is a quieter energy than full flight 'out to make it happen', but it's also a more effective energy because desperation repels. Think about pushy salespeople, or 'desperate to date' people - all they do is push what they want away from themselves. Whereas meeting those who are content feels attractive.
If you do decide to walk the path of contentment then let me warn you that misery loves company and there will be those steeped in misery, anxiety and fretfulness who will not be pleased with your new found style of contented living and will try and pull into their pit.
And what do you do with them? Don't let them rob you of your contentment. Don't take the negativity of others personally, if you catch yourself arguing for your contentment or against their discontent – stop and don't waste your time trying to prove anything. Just live it. Leave them to find their way to their contentment, if they so choose.
For the rest of us, let's strengthen our contentment muscles in the knowledge that we can walk a path of joy to creating what we want in our lives.
Contentment is a way to raise our vision from the small and demeaning to he expansive and celebratory.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Jun 2012
Even during the preceding Winter months when I would make the journey home, this little 'cutting' would always lift my spirits because I would look at the bare-leafed trees knowing that they would soon be full of bloom. I knew that in due course I would enjoy their fruits. I could trust in the due process of nature. At no point was I disgruntled by their bare branches or think it was any of my business to make things happen. I was content to let nature run its course. In so many ways we know that there are processes making things happen that we don't have to get involved in.
But have you noticed in life, we don't always rest in contentment as due processes kick into action? If you're anything like me, I set something in motion and then proceed to manage its process into my desired outcome. This is sometimes a good thing. For instance I order from a shop and I can track the progress of the item. That's fine. We like to track progress.
But trouble would ensue if I then proceeded to run the shop's delivery system. But we do that in our lives don't we? Why is it that we overlook the due processes of delivery in our lives?
We try to manage the delivery processes of our lives by managing others emotions, others' perceptions or actions and choices. And everything we do then comes from a place of anxiety and discontent. And why do we get involved in the delivery process? Because otherwise things won't happen right – or so we tell ourselves.
When did we learn to give our contentment away? Where did we learn that discontent and unhappiness is the way to goad ourselves forward?
Most of us have been told to 'work hard' in life so we train, we 'credentialise', we equip ourselves for the lives we desire. Many of us have been told 'it's not what you've got, but who you know' so we set about networking and increasing our realm of contacts. We're told we have to 'present' ourselves, so we set about 'dressing for success'. Our work is never ending. We manage every piece of 'making things happen' for ourselves. We learn to be discontent with who we are and how we are and crack the whip even harder.
And yet we're still not getting what we desire. Or it's coming to us in such scant amounts that the effort isn’t worth the result. Or we become control freaks driving others away from us. When do we get to experience contentment? For that matter, why would be want to be content when we still haven't got what we want? Do we have a right to be content when there's still so much to do, so much to achieve, so much to become? We find ourselves driven by our discontents, frazzling everything and everyone around us.
Finally, we may notice that the more discontent we are, the more discontent we become regardless of how much stuff we acquire, or how far we rise in life, or how many people we get to be boss of.
Does that mean we ought to just let things be? Drop out of living? I certainly know of those who end up just 'dropping out' of the game of life. Or become 'burned out'. Or just resign themselves to a life of low-grade misery accompanied by a continuous stream of unhappiness.
And if we are one of those not willing to be forever accompanied by misery, then the micromanaging of life continues unabated. No doubt there is a certain amount of feeling powerful and safe in micromanaging situations but it’s a false power in that it only gives the illusion we are in charge.
We're not in charge at all. And perpetual interference in the process only serves to slow things down and create anxiety to boot.
Many of us think of contentment as a state we reach after having achieved success, or we think of it as a frivolous emotion or sitting in the lotus position 'ooohm-ing' our lives away. Contentment can often be presented to us as complacency. If we are content then we'll just sit around all day doing nothing or what we do won't amount to much.
But what if contentment were to be our modus operandi in our lives and the way we go about interacting with people?No question that contentment is a quieter energy than full flight 'out to make it happen', but it's also a more effective energy because desperation repels. Think about pushy salespeople, or 'desperate to date' people - all they do is push what they want away from themselves. Whereas meeting those who are content feels attractive.
If you do decide to walk the path of contentment then let me warn you that misery loves company and there will be those steeped in misery, anxiety and fretfulness who will not be pleased with your new found style of contented living and will try and pull into their pit.
And what do you do with them? Don't let them rob you of your contentment. Don't take the negativity of others personally, if you catch yourself arguing for your contentment or against their discontent – stop and don't waste your time trying to prove anything. Just live it. Leave them to find their way to their contentment, if they so choose.
For the rest of us, let's strengthen our contentment muscles in the knowledge that we can walk a path of joy to creating what we want in our lives.
Contentment is a way to raise our vision from the small and demeaning to he expansive and celebratory.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Jun 2012
