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Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Clearing the static on your personal bandwidth
Bella Enahoro
The summer months are behind us and quietly we begin to take stock of how the year has gone so far. As we move into the last quarter of the year, children return to school and in many parts of the world, we enter into Autumn, a subtle kind of closure begins to emerge. Given that the bright freshness of the New Year is behind us, have any of our hopes panned out? If not, the challenges unmet, the hopes unfulfilled can begin to gather static in our lives.
The disappointments of the year hang awaiting our attention. The fear of change pulses in the background of our awareness. The admission of defeats, sit there waiting for us to attend to them. Lives stuck in survival mode long after we hoped to be out of it bring frustration. What is it we really wanted this year?
Was it better relationships? Better work? Any work at all? Fuller bank accounts? Better health? Happier children? Letting go of the ‘frenemies’ in our lives? Was it a way out of the tedium that’s somehow taken residence in our lives?
This time of the year is a good time to ask ‘what is it exactly I desire?’ It’s not a question to be asked lightly because once you bring it up to full conscious awareness, you pretty much have to do something about it. In my experience we don’t always like the consequences. You might have to leave the job, the relationship, even the country. The fear that we might be worse off after the change or the fear of losing people, places and situations we hold dear or deem to be necessary for our survival, can keep us stuck.
What is it you truly desire?
After that question, then ask ‘am I willing to have it?’ ‘Am I willing to do what it takes to have it?’ We have all sorts of ways of refusing ourselves what we desire. And that’s fine as long as we know that is what we’re doing. But when we cut off our awareness, and pretend we don’t know what we really do, all sorts of problems arise. Problems that create static in our lives.
Using t.v to ‘zone out’ of our lives, using food as a pacifier, provoking drama and trauma wherever we go, fixing other’s problems as way to distract us from the fact we’re not living the lives that would satisfy us. These ‘solutions’ which really are only coping mechanisms are also distractions.
What is it you truly desire?
Ask yourself, what would happen if you don’t get what you really desire? What happens if your family doesn’t get any happier and they don’t get along any better? What happens if your bank account doesn’t grow? What happens if you continue to pile on the weight? What happens if you continue to stay in a job that undervalues and underpays you? What would happen if you continue to stay in a relationship that demands you accept abuse or demands that you play the role of the ‘inconsequential’ other in order to maintain it? What would happen if you continue to fill your life with ‘frenemies’?
But then ask yourself what happens if you do get your desire? What would it be like to see your family getting along? What would it be like to have ‘enough’ money in the bank? However you define enough. What would it be like to go to work where you feel valued and your pay makes you feel good? What would it be like to be in a relationship that’s a contribution to you as well as you to them? And what would it be like to have people in your life that are safe? You’re not constantly on guard for the ‘zinger’ or the ‘drive-by’ remark.
Supposing the t.v took second place to finding out what it would take to ‘zone in’ to our lives? What would it take to find healthier ways of self-soothing instead of using food as a pacifier? What would it take to let go of provoking drama and trauma wherever we go and deal with whatever underlies that? It might be a tiny adjustment which simply means ‘I don’t get into the drama anymore.’ And what would it take for us to mind our own business instead of fixing other’s problems as way to distract us from the fact we’re not living the lives that would satisfy us?
Transcending avoidance sets us free in easy gentle ways. We don’t have to do it all at once. Just one small adjustment, which goes on to create a wonderful by-product of the kind of change we want to live with.
Once we create breathing room in our bandwith, we can receive all sorts of experiences and ideas for living that we can’t access with a life full of zoning out, drama, trauma and avoidance. How would that be to get clear into the end of the year? And set ourselves up for a more rewarding way forward?
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Oct 2013
For more articles go to more.
The disappointments of the year hang awaiting our attention. The fear of change pulses in the background of our awareness. The admission of defeats, sit there waiting for us to attend to them. Lives stuck in survival mode long after we hoped to be out of it bring frustration. What is it we really wanted this year?
Was it better relationships? Better work? Any work at all? Fuller bank accounts? Better health? Happier children? Letting go of the ‘frenemies’ in our lives? Was it a way out of the tedium that’s somehow taken residence in our lives?
This time of the year is a good time to ask ‘what is it exactly I desire?’ It’s not a question to be asked lightly because once you bring it up to full conscious awareness, you pretty much have to do something about it. In my experience we don’t always like the consequences. You might have to leave the job, the relationship, even the country. The fear that we might be worse off after the change or the fear of losing people, places and situations we hold dear or deem to be necessary for our survival, can keep us stuck.
What is it you truly desire?
After that question, then ask ‘am I willing to have it?’ ‘Am I willing to do what it takes to have it?’ We have all sorts of ways of refusing ourselves what we desire. And that’s fine as long as we know that is what we’re doing. But when we cut off our awareness, and pretend we don’t know what we really do, all sorts of problems arise. Problems that create static in our lives.
Using t.v to ‘zone out’ of our lives, using food as a pacifier, provoking drama and trauma wherever we go, fixing other’s problems as way to distract us from the fact we’re not living the lives that would satisfy us. These ‘solutions’ which really are only coping mechanisms are also distractions.
What is it you truly desire?
Ask yourself, what would happen if you don’t get what you really desire? What happens if your family doesn’t get any happier and they don’t get along any better? What happens if your bank account doesn’t grow? What happens if you continue to pile on the weight? What happens if you continue to stay in a job that undervalues and underpays you? What would happen if you continue to stay in a relationship that demands you accept abuse or demands that you play the role of the ‘inconsequential’ other in order to maintain it? What would happen if you continue to fill your life with ‘frenemies’?
But then ask yourself what happens if you do get your desire? What would it be like to see your family getting along? What would it be like to have ‘enough’ money in the bank? However you define enough. What would it be like to go to work where you feel valued and your pay makes you feel good? What would it be like to be in a relationship that’s a contribution to you as well as you to them? And what would it be like to have people in your life that are safe? You’re not constantly on guard for the ‘zinger’ or the ‘drive-by’ remark.
Supposing the t.v took second place to finding out what it would take to ‘zone in’ to our lives? What would it take to find healthier ways of self-soothing instead of using food as a pacifier? What would it take to let go of provoking drama and trauma wherever we go and deal with whatever underlies that? It might be a tiny adjustment which simply means ‘I don’t get into the drama anymore.’ And what would it take for us to mind our own business instead of fixing other’s problems as way to distract us from the fact we’re not living the lives that would satisfy us?
Transcending avoidance sets us free in easy gentle ways. We don’t have to do it all at once. Just one small adjustment, which goes on to create a wonderful by-product of the kind of change we want to live with.
Once we create breathing room in our bandwith, we can receive all sorts of experiences and ideas for living that we can’t access with a life full of zoning out, drama, trauma and avoidance. How would that be to get clear into the end of the year? And set ourselves up for a more rewarding way forward?
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Oct 2013
For more articles go to more.
