EMPOWERING EASE, JOY & EFFECTIVENESS
Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Executive Education, Personal and Professional development Programmes
Christmas - Letting in the new: Refresh, re-invent or ditch
Bella Enahoro
For so many of us Christmas is our favourite holiday – twinkling lights, spending time with people we care about, festive foods, laughter, good cheer and the end of another year. But what if you are one of those for whom Christmas is an ordeal? For many of us the year has been a long haul and then on top of that we're now looking at Christmas 'festivities' and all the pressure that can go with that.
Christmas can be a roller coaster ride full of twists and turns - families, friends, co-workers, the endless streaming images through our t.v screens of distressed and lonely people designed to guilt us into parting with our money, purchasing presents at premium prices which we know will be on sale in the new year for a fraction of the current price. It's easy to collapse into overwhelm and wonder - how did we get into all of this?
Perhaps we grew up in families with a mother who was superwoman and did it all so you've inherited this same idea of doing everything all yourself regardless of the burn-out factor involved. Some people feel superior when they work round the clock but have you noticed that at a certain point it's like trying to run in treacle? You're slowing down whilst trying to go faster? Biting people's heads off and accidents, replace achievement. Or maybe you are experiencing the opposite - parents which we have to caretake? Or maybe we are one of those who have no family, no one to draw close to at a time when everyone else has some version of family gathering to go to, however drama-fuelled that might be.
It's so easy to get into reactive patterns when we get together for Christmas – old sibling rivalries, parents trying to keep children 'in their place' even though their children are now adults. Uncles who drink too much, old criticisms flare like arthritis and defensiveness signals the onset of hurt withdrawal or tears from someone. How can you and I choose to make both the chaos and the meaning of Christmas work for us so that we will be emotionally and spiritually uplifted?
The key to gauging how much you should do is a mysterious thing called fun, which you may remember from childhood. And it's so easy to forget an important symbol for this time – the emergence of the new. Tiny, frail, overlooked but nonetheless here, available to each and everyone of us to experience. The "still, small voice" in the midst of clamour.
We can claim something new. 'I'm going to do it differently this year' What! Different! Why? What's wrong with the way we've always done it? Smile sweetly – tenderly even – and breathe. Invite them, whoever they may be, to join you. Be patient. It's new for you too. Remember you're allowing something new to be birthed into an old situation. It may not be easy but it will be worth it. Let go of other people's expectations. Let go of who and how others expect you to be and watch your resentments fall away. Let go of martyrdom and watch the exhaustion dissolve. Watch your fun, effectiveness and ease quotient rise. Some ideas to help make that happen might be:
· Don't cling to visions of the perfect 'Waltons' family moment. That happens only in t.v series.
· Do consider family problems when planning celebratory gatherings. If a relative drinks too much, avoid a dinner party and throw a dry holiday brunch instead.
· Don't travel out of guilt. Have an honest conversation with your family about how difficult it is for you to make a trip during the holidays. Suggest visiting, say, in February, when you'll have more time to really see one another. If they don't understand, consider that there may be something wrong on their end.
· Do be flexible with your partner. Some traditions are definitely worth fighting for—but you may be able to let others go.
· Don't force yourself to 'party'. If office parties or family gatherings are painful, honour your need to celebrate in your own private way.
· Don't isolate yourself. Include yourself by seeking out kindred souls and spend time with them. If you're newly divorced, join a support group, volunteer at a homeless shelter, or shop for elderly neighbours so you have some human contact.
I invite you to claim the gift of a new experience for Christmas. Allow ease and joy to enter.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Dec 2011
For more articles go to more.
Christmas can be a roller coaster ride full of twists and turns - families, friends, co-workers, the endless streaming images through our t.v screens of distressed and lonely people designed to guilt us into parting with our money, purchasing presents at premium prices which we know will be on sale in the new year for a fraction of the current price. It's easy to collapse into overwhelm and wonder - how did we get into all of this?
Perhaps we grew up in families with a mother who was superwoman and did it all so you've inherited this same idea of doing everything all yourself regardless of the burn-out factor involved. Some people feel superior when they work round the clock but have you noticed that at a certain point it's like trying to run in treacle? You're slowing down whilst trying to go faster? Biting people's heads off and accidents, replace achievement. Or maybe you are experiencing the opposite - parents which we have to caretake? Or maybe we are one of those who have no family, no one to draw close to at a time when everyone else has some version of family gathering to go to, however drama-fuelled that might be.
It's so easy to get into reactive patterns when we get together for Christmas – old sibling rivalries, parents trying to keep children 'in their place' even though their children are now adults. Uncles who drink too much, old criticisms flare like arthritis and defensiveness signals the onset of hurt withdrawal or tears from someone. How can you and I choose to make both the chaos and the meaning of Christmas work for us so that we will be emotionally and spiritually uplifted?
The key to gauging how much you should do is a mysterious thing called fun, which you may remember from childhood. And it's so easy to forget an important symbol for this time – the emergence of the new. Tiny, frail, overlooked but nonetheless here, available to each and everyone of us to experience. The "still, small voice" in the midst of clamour.
We can claim something new. 'I'm going to do it differently this year' What! Different! Why? What's wrong with the way we've always done it? Smile sweetly – tenderly even – and breathe. Invite them, whoever they may be, to join you. Be patient. It's new for you too. Remember you're allowing something new to be birthed into an old situation. It may not be easy but it will be worth it. Let go of other people's expectations. Let go of who and how others expect you to be and watch your resentments fall away. Let go of martyrdom and watch the exhaustion dissolve. Watch your fun, effectiveness and ease quotient rise. Some ideas to help make that happen might be:
· Don't cling to visions of the perfect 'Waltons' family moment. That happens only in t.v series.
· Do consider family problems when planning celebratory gatherings. If a relative drinks too much, avoid a dinner party and throw a dry holiday brunch instead.
· Don't travel out of guilt. Have an honest conversation with your family about how difficult it is for you to make a trip during the holidays. Suggest visiting, say, in February, when you'll have more time to really see one another. If they don't understand, consider that there may be something wrong on their end.
· Do be flexible with your partner. Some traditions are definitely worth fighting for—but you may be able to let others go.
· Don't force yourself to 'party'. If office parties or family gatherings are painful, honour your need to celebrate in your own private way.
· Don't isolate yourself. Include yourself by seeking out kindred souls and spend time with them. If you're newly divorced, join a support group, volunteer at a homeless shelter, or shop for elderly neighbours so you have some human contact.
I invite you to claim the gift of a new experience for Christmas. Allow ease and joy to enter.
Copyright ©Bella Enahoro Dec 2011
For more articles go to more.
